Walking on Stone

His hands are always warm. His heart is as wide as the heavens. His loyalty is unassailable. So why must I leave him? Ayasha glanced at the Thunderan who matched her impressive height, and walked leisurely by her side. Despite his phenomenal sensitivity, Tir'shan gave no indication that he registered the tension that coursed through her body, or the stares of a populace fascinated by giants.

Because I am once again a prisoner, her conscience scolded when it had regained her attention.

Untrue, she retorted to herself.

A Guardian for a thousand years; a mate and child gained in less than two years. Where is the journey and freedom you promised yourself, Ayasha?

I chose freely! she snarled to herself.

Did you? her inner self mocked.

"Can we sit?" the black woman asked her companion, tired of the running dialogue that plagued her mind.

The mystic's ruggedly handsome face broke into a wide grin. "Absolutely!" He rubbed the front of his blue robe. "Maybe we can get something to eat as well." He looked about the marketplace, and pointed out a doorway around which tables and benches clustered. "And definitely something hot to drink for you. Are you certain that you are warm enough in that caftan? Does the turban shelter your head well? We are only three suns into spring, and the weather has not truly turned yet. For one with no fur, it must be difficult."

She couldn't help but grin at the way he pronounced certain words, his Thunderan accent becoming more pronounced the greater his enthusiasm or concern. He put his hand on his hips, and huffed at her reaction, which only made her laugh.

She gave his hand an affectionate squeeze which melted his annoyance.

I must be insane to consider leaving him, she thought, her distress reemerging.

This time the white tiger took note of her discomfort, but clearly misinterpreted it. "Ah, foolish female, you are cold." He pulled her along, aiming straight for the benches.

*****

Ayasha had to admit that the hot cider warmed her, for her companion had been correct in his assessment that she had not dressed sufficiently to combat the coolness of the day. "Thank you for the delicious treat, mystic," she said kindly.

From walkway to bench, his mood had clearly altered to one of suspicion. "It is nice to have a day to ourselves," she offered, hoping to change his serious look. "Think Shaktar'ri can handle Ameera all day?"

Her comment had the intended effect, for Tir'shan laughed loudly. "Sri'rin will fuss over them both! Only the gods know what clothes we will find them in when we return home." He ran his finger around the rim of his cup. He looked back at the main square. "It will be good training for both of them," he said absently.

"What do you--"

He waved his hand. "Nothing!" he said too quickly. "Just an observation. You know that they often help care for the little ones in the Halls of Healing."

Oh, deftly done, she decided. The white tiger had inadvertently revealed a secret, but covered it well. The two men obviously desired a child of their own. She wondered who the mystic woman chosen for the honor of conceiving would be? More to the point, which o'ril would bed the woman, as such a coupling was the preference of neither, but the only way to their goal?

Your curiosity is just another chain to bind you, her conscience roared back. Do you wish to waste your life on domestic matters?

My daughter is not a mere domestic matter. Ameera is still a baby--

Who no longer suckles at your breast, for Thunderan teeth come in early! She dwells among mystics who fawn over her. You are unnecessary to her well-being.

What right do I have as a mother to leave my child? Yet, the road calls to me, seductively and without respite, a yearning that trumps the love of my companion and my daughter.

Her inner voice became malicious in its tack, and spoke a harsh truth. As a Guardian, you have watched too many people come into life, grow old, and die. Will you punish yourself after years of sacrifice for an unwanted child? You no longer have a vast span of years ahead of you. You must seize the day!

Ayasha hung her head. Ameera is not unwanted! She is the blessing on our actions in bringing Cenatua forth, a sign of favor from the Goddess!

A gentle hand raised up her chin. Tir'shan said nothing as he searched her face for the answer to her distress. Even a Guardian's heart could break. She had not intended to shed tears, and he had not expected it.

The mystic dropped a coin from Tabbia on the table, then guided her to her feet. "We walk," he said sternly, his left hand gripping her right hand tightly as he led her to the entry gates.

*****

She followed quietly by his side until they were well beyond the city wall, but not moving in the direction of the Halls of Healing to the east. Instead, they entered the forest to the south, and soon encountered a series of large, flat stones suitable for sitting.

"This is a quiet place," Tir'shan murmured. "We will not be bothered here."

"Not a place I am familiar with," she said halfheartedly.

"One I found when I once eluded Shaktar'ri." Tir'shan smirked. "He was quite annoyed that day." The mystic sighed. "And Te'sara was equally angry at my rebellion."

"He was your shadow for a brief time. They only had your safety in mind. They were unsure, even on this world, of the danger the mountain tigers posed to you."

The mystic exclaimed hotly. " I have never been defenseless. Just ask Lord Tygra to judge my prowess with a short staff, for he has sampled my skill."

Am I not the only one who feels trapped? she wondered incredulously.

Tir'shan grew quiet. He absently toyed with the soil with the tip of his soft leather boots. "I will be...a better companion, I promise you," he said haltingly.

"You cannot help loving Talitha, and I do not fault you for it," she offered. The shock that flitted across his features remained in his arched eyebrows, for she had spoken what they both knew, but never mentioned. "Lord Tygra may not be so forgiving." She placed her smooth, black hands on his furry, white ones to strengthen her resolve. "I am not Talitha, and you are not Surya."

In all the time they had shared, she had never spoken the name of the person who still held her heart deeply, but was equally unavailable. The mystic frowned. She wondered whether he felt that he deserved to be second best in her heart.

"Not someone I know," he said softly, obviously amazed by her revelation as indicated by the slight quaver in his voice.

"Not someone I can speak of, and protect Guardian secrets."

"I have not pried into your past," he said, now clearly angry at the implication that he had demanded answers, when in truth, he had not. "Over time, what you have told me of your Guardianship, you have freely offered."

"For your understanding, I thank you," she said reassuringly.

He looked up to the trees that had begun to bud. He returned her gaze after a long interval. "I suppose we both are imperfect," he admitted.

"It all happened too quickly for both of us," she said, and noted his acknowledging nod.

"Life is short for both a human, and by Thunderan standards, for a ri'sar'ri. If there is something you wish to do, you should do it. If you wish to know the love of another, you should experience it." He bent down, and reached for a tiny ivory blossom that heralded spring. He offered her the flower. "Whatever you decide, I will waiting. Because of Ameera, your most precious gift to me, you will always be with me. If your path never crosses ours again...," his baritone voice trailed off sadly.

He judges not, although I have rejected him and our daughter. He loves me, despite his feelings for Talitha. The insight made her inner tormentor scream, but she ignored her pleas.

It came to her as never before that as powerful as Tir'shan had become, he was far more vulnerable than she. His increased sensitivity often wounded his unguarded heart. He still bore the peculiar vibration of a ri'sar'ri. Like his female counterpart in the temple, his life would end by middle age.

She tenderly brushed a stray white lock away from his face. "When I was a Guardian, I could go anywhere in the world on a whim. But I mostly resided at my home, Sanctuary, and watched from afar. I no longer have the magic to go anywhere I desire, but...I would like to sample the world on my own terms." She had said it, and immediately she felt lighter, for she trusted the unanticipated love that had grown between them.

He nodded slowly as if he had known her heart all along. "I thought that you might wish to see your people... and that you might wish to remain with them."

Her homeland far to the south was the last place she wanted to visit, but she knew that eventually she would find herself there to face her past. "My people offered me up for Guardianship when I was but 11 years old. From the day I was born, it was my destiny to be a Guardian, so I never questioned the wisdom of the elders or royal duty. But on the day I transformed, I felt I was a victim of a great cruelty. I may travel to my homeland, Tir'shan, but I will never dwell there!"

He embraced her, generating violet waves of sympathy through his mystic gift. He smelt of spice and the pleasures of life, his heartbeat steady and comforting.

Uncertainty dampened his power. "Were we wrong to call Cenatua to life?" Tir'shan asked unexpectedly.

"She is the sacrifice I offered for my freedom, and another burden I bear."

"And I was an accomplice in the offering, 'with enough trust not to know the favor or the outcome.'"

"Third Earth needed her, for I could no longer carry the suffering of the world or my own heart. I paid the price all Guardians pay when they fall: to choose their successors. However, for the sake of the world and myself, I prayed to find a less cruel way, one the Goddess could bless. Cenatua was born to this purpose from the beginning, and never knew the time of childhood and its loss." She pulled back reluctantly. "Third Earth cannot exist without its Guardians. It is for this reason that you should take comfort in your actions, Tir'shan. Cenatua's birth continues the healing of the world. Look at those she has restored. Her difficult calling is no different than yours. You were born a mystic, but also a ri'sar'ri, which effects your life more greatly than that of other mystics. Like her, your life was defined from the day of your birth."

Still troubled, his eyes darkened to the color of a summer sky awaiting a thunderstorm. He diverted the discussion back to her. "Where will you go Ayasha?" he asked.

It was a simple word, but it carried much. "Oasis," she replied.

Tir'shan fingered his long braid thoughtfully. He had surmised that she knew the location of the home of the desert cats, as well that of other Felinari on Third Earth. However, it was obvious in the stiffness of his stance that although he had respected her privacy, the mystic did not approve of the need for secrets. All that she knew of Third Earth's many peoples, both good and evil, would certainly turn his fur completely white. The Felinari had many distractions to divert their attention, so no one who had the authority or the opportunity had interrogated her on her knowledge.

Cenatua is the key. She has shown that she does not favor secrets. With her recent actions, she has become a legend come to life. The warrior women are no longer bound to an oath she herself relinquished. Unless Surya stops her, she will eventually tell the Felinari what they need to know, Ayasha conceded to herself. That is fitting as she is the current Guardian, not I, although I have a thousand years of memories in my brain. And there are days when I wish the past would simply vanish.

"Will you at least ease Dah'ri's way," the mystic begged, "for his research is incomplete, and he has given much to the people."

"I have the map already drawn," she replied. "I intend to speak with Dah'ri shortly. I doubt we could leave before spring planting. Because of his unique abilities, his role has been critical to the success of the fields. The journey, when undertaken, will be a long one."

"Unless you ask for the use of the Feliner. Tygra can intercede with the Lion-o on that matter."

"It may be possible for a Thunderan to use the Feliner to take us to Oasis. However, Dah'ri and I will make the return journey on our own."

A cool breeze made her shiver. She gingerly offered her hand, but he did not take it. The closeness between them had evaporated with her plans.

"It grows late. We should return home," Tir'shan stated brusquely, and walked away.

She followed behind, looking at her feet rather than at his broad back. Distracted, she bumped into him, and lost her balance. He caught her quickly, then brought her close. His lips brushed hers tentatively. There was a spot on his lower back especially sensitive to her touch. His moan sounded as if it traveled from his feet to his mouth.

"A slab of rock...is no place to make love...especially unprepared," he gasped, carefully releasing her. The mystic ran his finger along the line of her jaw, his sky blue eyes wistful, and regret apparent in the delicacy of his lingering touch. He did not want a child of his conceived in the cold or at a crossroad in their relationship.

"Home?" she asked.

"Warm and safe," he answered with a surprisingly shy smile. No matter his mercurial moods, or his heart's dilemmas, Tir'shan always saw clearly in the end.